[Comfortablydumb] happy reason to drink day!!!

[jimmythomas111 at comcast.net]

> 
> Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, 
> Paddy.. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as 
> quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but 
> misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his 
> body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each 
> back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, 
> Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see 
> that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full 
> box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he 
> saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Ban d-Aid box and shuffled and 
> stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both 
> his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You 
> were drunk again last night weren't you?'Flynn said, 'Why do you say such a mean 
> thing?''Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the 
> broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood 
> trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's 
> all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
> 
> 
> 
> Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting 
> and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity 
> on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the 
> rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' Miraculously, a parking place 
> appeared.Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
>  

> 
> Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 
> 'Do you want to go to heaven?' The man said, 'I do, Father.'The priest said, 
> 'Then stand over there against the wall.'Then the priest asked the second man, 
> 'Do you want to go to heaven?''Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply. 'Then 
> stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.Then Father Murphy walked up 
> to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'O'Toole said, 'No, I don't 
> Father.' The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when 
> you die you don't want t o go to heaven?'O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I 
> thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'
>  
> 
> Paddy was in  New York ..He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop 
> on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 
> 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.He'd done this several 
> times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.After the cop had shouted, 
> 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not 
> about time ye let the Catholics across?'
>  
> 
> Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the 
> obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. 
> 'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!''Yes, I saw it!' 
> replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
>  
> 
> An Irish priest is driving down to  New York and gets stopped for speeding in  
> Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then 
> sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, 'Sir, have you been 
> drinking?''Just water,' says the priest.The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell 
> wine?'The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
> 
> 
> 
> Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - 
> just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how 
> did thi! s one end?''When it was o,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands 
> and knees.'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She 
> said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
>  
-jt-